He is 15, she is 14. They are a couple in love who have discovered sex for themselves. Elena, mother of 15-year-old Romeo, told “Klops” how she feels about growing up her son and what she is afraid of.
“He grows with me alone. I’m both for my father and mother. We have a very trusting relationship. What it took me to achieve this is a separate topic.
Once we went to the grocery store with him. And suddenly he says: “You know, it happened to me at last. First time". I didn't immediately understand what exactly happened to him for the first time. Or secretly hoping that we were talking about something else, not about such a serious and important event in the life of every person. It's too early for him. But it was just about the first sex.
I asked him how it was. He replied in a very childish way: "Well, I don't understand."
About four months earlier, he began to talk about which of his friends had already had sex. I understood where everything was going. And then he had a girlfriend. She is 14 years old. I understand that she became the initiator. Now they are, as they write in social networks, "in a relationship."
I told my son how to protect himself and him and her. I bought condoms in the same store and now I buy for him regularly.
I guess I'm a crazy parent
The girl does not tell her parents anything. They are very strict. The son is afraid that they will find out and there will be problems.
He meets his girlfriend every day. She often comes to our house. At first I was shy. She comes, blushes, looks at me. I even felt sorry for her. Now she knows that if there are any questions, she can always turn to me. I told her about it myself. She can't do that with her mother.
I think it's early for him and early for her. Physically they are already adults, and emotionally they are still children.
The son is very attached to his girlfriend, worries when they quarrel. And they quarrel over absolutely childish trifles. But for them all this is serious.
If I cursed and forbade my son to meet, they would still meet. How can parental prohibitions be stopped today?
Of course, I'm afraid she's going to get pregnant. They are not at all ready for children. They are still children themselves.
But if this happens and there are accusations from her relatives, I have something to tell them. I raised my child and am ready to answer for him. You raised your daughter, and who is to blame for not teaching the girl basic sexual hygiene? Who is to blame for the fact that you do not have a trusting relationship with your daughter - my son, me, or yourself?
They say they love each other. I often hear from my son that when he turns 18 they will get married. I understand that this will not happen. And if there is, then they will divorce very quickly.
I tell him this "early". That you need to get an education, learn how to make money. But it seems that he is not thinking about such "little things" now.
The son began to study worse, although before that he did not shine very much. In the sixth grade, he once said that the school curriculum would not be useful to him in adulthood. He is sure of this even now.
I see a very strange period in his life. In some of his words and deeds, he is already an adult, in some of his children.
It is important for me that I know where he is and with whom. Once the son with alarm told that during sex they broke a condom. How to react to this situation? And so I sit and think what to answer him. He is waiting. And I think when she starts her period. Fortunately, everything worked out. Relieved. If there was a pregnancy, I simply would not know what to do.
Triumph of the law
Soon the son will turn 16. From this age, the citizen already bears criminal responsibility, including for the so-called child molestation. And this is another fear of my mother. There are so many stories around: they met and then quarreled. And because of a childish resentment, she wrote a statement against him
I have a relative who has a lot of experience in prison. He told his son what it was like to sit “on a youngster” and about other “delights”. Such frank stories are very good prevention.
But I'm afraid anyway. A close friend of mine is studying law. Once he told me a story given as an example by a teacher, a judge of a regional court. They studied the legal term “limited sanity”. This is a Kaliningrad story, it happened here in the region.
A boy with a girl, she is 14, he is 15. They loved each other very much. And everything was fine with them. In any case, they themselves thought so. The girl decided to tell her parents everything. Share your happiness, so to speak.
The parents grabbed their heads and wrote a statement to the police. He is locked up in a pre-trial detention center. The girl cries for weeks, there is a conflict in the family. While he was in jail, he contracted tuberculosis.
In court, everyone wept. Her family tearfully asked him to let go, but that was no longer possible. There is a crime, it is proven. Actually, what is there to prove? They didn't really hide anything. In fact, they themselves told everything. He got a real term. He died a few days after the verdict. After that, it became known that the girl also committed suicide. Here is such a triumph of the law …
If only he liked her
Once a close person asked me if I liked my son's girlfriend. Every parent wants the best for their child. And more. But in this situation I have a very simple position: if only he liked it. It's not for me to live with her.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I envy my son. It is difficult for me to imagine that my parents and I could afford such openness.
I was brought up very strictly. At the age of 20, they were released to full self-sufficiency. For five years I studied and worked, earning my own education. Perhaps that's why I want to give my child more than I had at his age. More opportunities, more freedom, more happiness. Due to the fact that you have to survive in your youth, you often make the wrong choice. You go to the wrong university, choose the wrong profession that you wanted. I don’t want my son to have such a choice. I want him to be fine. Otherwise, why did I study for five years and pay for my education a bunch of so hard earned money, why did I go to an unloved job?"
Do parents need to “go to the dacha” so that the children have a place to have sex?
Kaliningrad psychologist and sexologist Irina But answers questions from mothers and fathers.
What does the lawyer say?
How grounded are Elena's fears that her son may be brought under “bad” articles of the Criminal Code? At first glance, the law cannot have any claims against a young man, even if he is 16. But in practice, everything is much more complicated, says Kaliningrad lawyer Andrei Koptev:
“The situation is ambiguous, there are many legal nuances that need to be clarified. I think there are grounds for worrying. Criminal liability for rape under Article 131 of the Criminal Code comes from the age of 14.
Much depends on the girl and her parents. At any time, when something does not suit her or them in a relationship, she can go to the police with a report of rape.
If the girl informs the law enforcement agencies that she was coerced and threatened, then the actions of Elena's son can be qualified as rape even in the absence of bruises, abrasions and other traces of violence on the girl's body. In this case, the defense argument that a boy and a girl had consensual sex is not an excuse."
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