We consider specific examples from life. Many children go through the divorce of their parents - someone goes through this stage relatively easily, but for someone this event becomes traumatic. What to do if a child finds out about a betrayal of parents? This question is raised in the book “Relationships. Between you and me”by the famous teacher, founder of the Institute of Non-formal Education and the School of Informal Education“Orange”, writer and blogger Dima Zitser. The publication was published in the framework of a joint project of the publishing house "Peter" and the radio station "Mayak" - "On the pedagogical wave". The book was born on the basis of dialogues from Dima Zitser's radio program "You cannot bring up to love." With the permission of the publisher, we are publishing an excerpt from the book. Learn how to behave as a parent so as not to aggravate the child's experience when a mom or dad is cheating. When children find out about their parents' betrayal A letter from a listener came to our website: “I am raising a six-year-old daughter and a fourteen-year-old son. They both witnessed a serious quarrel between their parents. The son found out about his father's betrayal. Six months have passed, my husband and I live together again. I'm afraid for my son's future. What's in his head now? How does he perceive our family? The boy never shares his emotional experiences. " If your family has a tradition of sharing your emotional experiences, then your son will begin to share. Obviously, you need to talk to him, ask what is going on in his soul. Actually, it's okay. He himself had to sort out this situation on the shelves, it was, of course, not easy for him. It will help him a lot if dad and mom explain everything to him. I don't know what happened with you. I understand that adults have the right to a variety of events in their lives. Life is hard. But for your son to understand this, you need to talk to him about it. It's great if he realizes that the world is not black and white. Everything is not at all divided into “what is good and what is bad,” as Vladimir Mayakovsky tried to convince us. Karina from Moscow is with us. Hello! Dima, hello! Satan has entered our family in the form of a woman. I am very worried that the child will grow up, will remember dad from the negative side, because there have been scandals, there have been all kinds of things. What should I do? I want to get a divorce, but he can't live without a daughter. I tolerate it, but the child grows up, she sees everything, understands. I didn't quite understand the question. In the beginning, you scared me with Satan. What did you mean? Well, my husband got a woman. How old is your daughter? Thirteen. I understand that the situation is not easy and not very pleasant, but now try to formulate the question precisely, so that I will try to give you an exact answer. Yes. Should we continue to endure, after all, our husband provides us anyway, or is it better to get a divorce? You understand, Karin, I, unfortunately, cannot give you any advice on this topic. And not only because I don’t work in this area, but also because this is a very personal matter. The only thing, I can tell you with complete certainty, is that the relationship between the parents is probably important for your daughter. I do not mean that she needs her parents to live in perfect harmony. She must understand what kind of world she lives in. I'll try to explain. People often ask me: “We're going to get divorced. How will this affect our child? " And I always give the same answer: I don’t know, but I know something else - a child needs to understand how his life is arranged and, in particular, the life of his family. If he has a front line at home, that is, he constantly hears scandals and cannot explain to himself why his parents continue to live together, then in a certain sense it will become easier for him if he understands: “Okay, I live with my mother, and my father lives separately. Each of them has its own destiny, and I communicate with both mom and dad. " I won't give you direct advice, but try to think about how to make your daughter understand the situation. The point is that it has been going on for many years. And she herself, having learned what was happening, said: "Mom, get a divorce." She herself suggested. Well, for my part, I explained: “Daughter, this happens with men at this age, it's okay. The main thing is that our dad is at home, next to us. " I will oppose sexism on your part: this happens to both men and women at different times in life. I understand that the situation is difficult. But if you are discussing this with her, then listen to her, and she will listen to you. Maybe this issue can be discussed with dad, and she will be able to talk to him. Make an adult decision, that's all. I understand that it is scary to stay, scared to leave. But try to sit down and think hard. Good luck to you. Photo: Depositphotos About education without boring - "Letidor" is now on TikTok! Subscribe!
