Children cannot earn such a symbol of love from Anna Egorova
In Volgograd, girls and boys more and more often decide not to “have children”. And more and more often there are those who call themselves "childfree". V1. RU correspondents talked with three Volgograd residents who made their choice in favor of childlessness in principle. Each of them made such a decision based on their personal reasons, which he told about in his story. And this despite the fact that according to statistics in the Volgograd region, the mortality rate has already significantly outstripped the birth rate.
Anna Egorova: “We do not hate children. We just don't want to start them."
Anna is still pestered with questions: "When to give birth?"
- I have never been touched by children since childhood. Even when I was 10-11 years old. I was then told in childhood: "Wait, your own will appear and change your mind" or "This is your age, you will grow up soon." Many show each other videos of how the child eats, how the child falls, plays - such videos do not evoke any emotions in me. Someone doesn't like cats, some dogs, but I just don't like children. The birth of a child is a limitation of personal space, which means that you will be constantly attached to the house, you will not have time for self-realization. And then problems begin, there is no one to leave the child with, they cannot go to kindergarten with him, because the baby is sick all the time.
As for other people's children, I treat them without aggression and condescending. It often happens that other people's children behave somehow wrongly, get their clothes dirty, make noise, and hooligans. I understand that there is nothing to be done about it - these are children. But I can’t be too lenient with their parents. It happens that parents believe that their children are interesting to everyone, that everyone can show a photo, for example, how a newly-made mother breastfeeds her child. I do not understand this at all.
Anya believes that given the current situation in the city, giving birth to a child would be a big mistake.
I am now 27 years old. Many people used to tell me that if you grow up you want children. Now they no longer tell me that, because I am still at a conscious age. But you know, in our country it’s difficult for yourself to live, and to give birth to another person who will also find it difficult - I think it’s wrong. In this case, neither you nor the child will live normally. I think that there are families who love children and the appearance of a new person in their family is a joy. I could not give birth, let someone else give birth and be happy at the same time. I read somewhere that people consider childfree to be child-haters. No, we are peaceful, normal, we just do not want children. To a greater extent, people who speak from the opposite side are very intrusive and aggressive to impose their point of view on us. All of them believe that questions such as "When are the children already?", "When to give birth?", "It's time to give birth!" are considered completely normal and acceptable. But this is not the case.
Alexey Cherednikov: I didn't like the first experience of communicating with children
Alexei is 24 years old, but he has already decided that children are not for him
- I chose the childfree position because of my personal convictions. Let me emphasize that a position is not a movement, not a grouping, or something similar. I confess, such convictions did not take shape right away. The choice is not due to following other people's ideals on an emotional wave at an early age or during adolescent rebellion, but is inspired by the gradual realization of the need for such a choice. It is about necessity. This is not a momentary whim or a desire to stand out, as many people sometimes believe. My childfree position was finally formed at about the age of 17-18.
Volgograd childfree is alien to such a public display of emotions
- Several circumstances pushed me to this choice. For example, there was a need to take on some of the responsibility for a small child of relatives. And, unfortunately, I didn't like the first experience. I realized that at that moment and in the near future it was simply not mine. There was no desire or motivation to comprehend this "science". Ahead was the end of school and admission to a higher educational institution. Another reason was the understanding that having a child is an extremely important step and requires a certain level of financial wealth. Of course, this does not mean that I wanted to spend money only and only on myself. But I clearly understood that now and in the near future I would not have the proper level of income to provide a prospective family with a comfortable life, and a child or children - a carefree childhood with little material joys. This is in addition to parental love and affection, which, in my opinion, is important and should be maintained in equal proportion.
Of course, the family did not take this news very well. There were and are relatives who reacted with restraint or understanding. But in most cases, one had to face sharp rejection and sometimes even condemnation and attempts at moralizing. At the same time, the "preacher" was far from always noticeably older than me - there were also people about my age who considered their position and life values to be the only true ones. However, over time, tensions in this regard have practically disappeared. Now relatives have simply accepted this position. At least outwardly, it looks like that. What they think is purely their business, in which it is unacceptable to interfere.
The stork will never fly to some Volgograd residents
My attitude to other people's children is directly proportional to the level of their upbringing. Regardless of the age of the child. If a child is educated, curious, has many interests, has the initial concepts of tact, then the attitude towards him is purely positive. I will say more: there are not so few children of preschool and primary school age with whom I have good relationships and even have common interests! And these children themselves are drawn to me. And I do not refuse them to communicate.
I do not exclude the possibility of having children in the future. I cannot say that I am ready to completely abandon them. I just realize that in the near future it is not my priority. And I'm not ready to give my child a better life yet. This is largely influenced by the prevalence of bad manners among children. It will be extremely difficult for a well-bred child to live in a predominantly ill-mannered society, where the law of brute force and permissiveness is held in high esteem. I say this based on my experience. Even having no less well-bred friends, the child runs the risk of facing a purely negative example and being unable to oppose something precisely because of his upbringing. Paradox. And while this paradox exists, I am not ready to condemn the child to these unnecessary difficulties - difficulties in life will be enough anyway.
I never impose my position on anyone unnecessarily. Not even because I'm afraid to cause condemnation - I'm not afraid of that. At first, I was faced with decisive attempts to convince and "re-educate" me. This mainly came from relatives. Then it settled down. Now among my acquaintances only occasionally a timid, unobtrusive motive flashes that I will definitely change my mind. But this does not happen often. But the only thing that is really depressing in such fleeting moments is that people for the most part consider the childfree position to be the lot of adolescents, undeveloped personalities who "have not yet grown up, have not left childhood." Meanwhile, many advocates of traditional values sometimes behave worse than children - not having formed themselves as individuals, they risk not being able to shape their children as individuals with a capital letter. But that's their business. Their solution. While its consequences do not invade the lives of the people around them, hindering its normal course. And the normal - again - everyone has their own.
Evgeniya Kostyannikova: "The older I get, the more I am convinced that I don't want children."
Evgenia and her man decided not to think about children for now
- I realized that not having children is normal. Just at one moment the realization of this came to me. I came to the conviction that I was a childfree after the birth of my niece. The beloved niece was born seven years ago. I love my niece and my sister very much. But it was enough for me to see all the delights of motherhood from the outside. My mother resigned herself to the fact that I did not want children, and my sister reacted with understanding and did not impose this topic.
I am married and my man completely shares my point of view. The father-in-law and mother-in-law do not put pressure on me either, they say: "Live for yourself." Although, I think that they hope that by the age of 30 I will want children. I treat other people's children absolutely normal, if they do not interfere with me and do not wedge into my life. I think that being a childfree allows us to be free and belong only to ourselves, in a way that people who have children cannot afford. As I grow older, I see that the older I get, the more I realize that I don't want children. But I do not impose my point of view on anyone, if people love children and want to give birth to them - great.
Natalya Zyuzina: "Every adult has the right to choose"
Medical psychologist Natalya Zyulina believes that all the heroes of the material approach the issue of children sensibly.
Psychologists are happy with a deliberate approach to the issue of children
- Having children is an important step for every person. I am glad that nowadays men and women are conscious of him. We see that people evaluate their own capabilities: both financial and mental. At the same time, each character speaks of a normal attitude towards other people's children, especially if it does not touch their boundaries. Every adult has the right to make his own choice and be responsible for it.
The opinions of the heroes of the article may not coincide with the point of view of the editorial board.