13 Tips from Mikhail Labkovsky Adolescence is the most difficult in life. The child's body grows at a tremendous rate, the cardiovascular system does not keep up with the bones, the hormonal background changes, fatigue and mood swings appear, sweating increases, and academic performance falls. It sounds terrible, it feels even worse. Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky is sure that the period will not be any more difficult. Neither at 20, nor at 30, nor at 80 people feel like a teenager in his 11-15 years. The whole world of a teenager shrinks to a stupid, from the point of view of an adult, problems like "Am I the same as everyone else?" or "Why don't I have a boyfriend?" He has no time for school, not for housework, and not for your control, hence the conflicts and slamming doors. “And now they are no longer children, but not adults yet, and this makes the roof go away. This can happen suddenly, as described
with Françoise Sagan - in one summer "Mikhail Labkovsky from the book" I Want and Will "The most terrible thing in this period for parents is the relationship that is formed in the transitional age, remain with adolescents for life. The period will pass, but rejection and resentment will remain. In the book "I Want and Will Be," Mikhail Labkovsky gives several tips to help maintain relationships with adolescents and preserve their own and their nervous systems. How to maintain relationships with a teenager: Show understanding and sympathy as often as possible. A teenager is scared and incomprehensible, he has a bunch of problems that he is not able to solve on his own and which are global for him. Yes, you can react harshly if you encounter rude behavior, but try to avoid daily conflict and aggression and always take his side. Even if the teen has screwed up or misbehaved, don't you just love him when he’s good? Listen without interrupting when the teenager says something. So that he can speak out and not be afraid that in response to any of his phrases you will exclaim: “You see! And I said (a)!”Learn to be silent when the teenager does not want to tell anything. Respect his personal space, sometimes a person just needs to be silent. Refuse when necessary. Refuse firmly
but kindly, without aggression. Learn to RELEASE and TRUST when a teenager begins to live his "private" life. Because some things need to be done at 15, and not at 20: it is better to get sick with alcohol and cigarettes before "catching up" to them at the university. In addition, if you stop controlling him at every step, there is a chance that he will come out into adulthood with an understanding of how to live in it. Better prepare him for what he will face. Learn to NEGOTIATE with the teenager without conflict and adhere to agreements. Create an environment so that the child has no reason to lie to you. There are three reasons for lying: fear, profit and psychopathology, two of them you can exclude, the third - to cure. EXCLUDE questions like: "How are you at school?"
"Why are you silent?"
"Why are you so sad?"
"Why are you so dirty?"
"I watched the electronic diaries, I want to talk about it …"
and so on. SPEAK OUT without preaching, COMMUNICATE as equals. A teenager needs care and participation from you, you can teach him at school. Learn to talk NOT about SCHOOL, but about life in general. Yes, thoughts about school are the last thing in a teen's mind. Don't try to control everything in a teen's life - it's all the same.
impossible. Educate him so that he knows how to respond correctly.
to emergency situations (violence, alcohol, drugs, etc.). even when punishing, to do so that he does not doubt that YOU are HIS
LOVE. It is necessary to clearly separate the teenager and his act and not turn into a fury. Approach the child without the slightest aggression.Smiling, hug him and say: "I love you very much, but you won't get a tablet anymore." You can also give out a Nokia push-button phone. Photo: Euphoria / IMDb The book of psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky "I Want and Will" will help to accept oneself, solve personal problems, problems in relations with a partner and with children. The book consists of detailed tips and instructions. See also: "March to your room!" and other phrases that should not be said to childrenHow to raise children without screaming and threats: five rulesHow to raise perseverance, patience and will in a child: 7 tips from a psychologist