The problems that arise in life have their roots in our childhood. It is then that our parents set up a certain model of behavior, which we follow for the rest of our lives. Rambler tried to figure out why it is so important to be able to build friendly relations with parents.
What makes parents toxic
The main factors in the relationship between parents and children: acceptance of all disadvantages, mutual understanding and constant support. The primary task of parents is to give the child a feeling of complete security. In some families, children grow up in love and care, while in others, parents from childhood make it clear to the child what fear, guilt, aggression and lack of trust are. Such children grow up feeling inferior. In adult life, they are faced with a lack of understanding of those around them, cannot find a soul mate, make friends with difficulty and have financial problems. “Toxic parents” cause significant damage to a child's self-esteem by regularly criticizing and mocking them. Psychologists at Columbia University note that all children raised in toxic conditions have similar symptoms. Low self-esteem pushes them towards self-destruction and serious mental problems. Such parents never praise their children or express warm feelings. They push them away, not empathizing with childhood experiences and problems.
A child in the third year of life begins to realize all his desires, he may disagree with the opinions of others, demand a different attitude. It is at this age that the behavior “I can do everything myself!” Is manifested. With age, the process of separation from parents continues. In adolescence (13-16 years old) there is a conscious conflict of values and interests. Families in which parents calmly react to this period and accept their child as he is have a positive effect on the psychological development of a teenager. Toxic parents perceive this behavior as disobedience and a threat to undermine their authority. They try to suppress the child, both emotionally and physically, using violence.
This behavior does not allow the teenager to become an independent person and subconsciously inhibits his development and accumulates resentment, destroying their relationship.
How to get rid of inheritance
“Outgrow your parents. To overcome this attitude and leave it behind, you need to become internally mature. You must understand that your parents have their own problems, and they, too, most likely suffered from this attitude from their parents. Don't compare them to others, don't come up with perfect family stories. It is worth learning how to build a relationship with mom and dad in such a way that they cannot offend you and cause mental pain. If they reprimand you, devalue your desire for something, or hinder your development, just fight back, draw conclusions and move on. Learn to build reasonable boundaries so that your parents can communicate with you the way you want,”says Russian psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky.