A Child Psychologist Named 5 Main Mistakes In Raising A Child

A Child Psychologist Named 5 Main Mistakes In Raising A Child
A Child Psychologist Named 5 Main Mistakes In Raising A Child

Video: A Child Psychologist Named 5 Main Mistakes In Raising A Child

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French nutritionists have explained why children should not be forced to finish their food "to the last crumb." Experts believe that this can lead to the fact that children begin to ignore their hunger and begin to negatively relate to healthy foods like vegetables.

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According to experts, the mistakes of parents in raising children are not limited to this. "Evening Moscow" talked with a practicing child psychologist, a teacher with 20 years of experience, Tatyana Egorova, who named the 5 main misconceptions of moms and dads in matters of upbringing:

"Do what you want, I don't care"

- Most often, parents motivate such a position by the fact that the child should be given more independence and prepare for adulthood. Like, they didn’t coddle me in childhood, they didn’t lisp, nothing, I grew up, even if he himself learns to solve his problems. Children perceive this approach as indifference and most often begin to react with bad actions: will criticism follow this and do they really care? A vicious circle begins, in which the parent proves something, and the child checks it: is it true or not?

Psychologists advise, instead of ostentatious indifference, to establish contact with the child, even if his behavior does not suit mom or dad. You can, as an option, say: "You know, on this issue I completely disagree with you, but I love you and want to help, so at any time you can ask me for advice."

Too much rigor

- As a rule, too strict parents motivate the child with words like: "I am a mother, if I said, then you must obey me unquestioningly." And it doesn't matter how old the child is - he goes to kindergarten or finishes school.

Why is this error dangerous? The child must understand what he is doing and why. When parents simply demand that a given task be completed, without explaining anything, this is training. When adults are around, it might just be a good girl or a boy. But, as soon as the parents hide behind the door of the apartment, all the prohibitions are completely forgotten, and in order to "cover their tracks" lies and resourcefulness are included. The way out is persuasion is better than strictness. You can start a conversation, as an option, like this: "Do now, please, as I say, and in the evening we will discuss why and why you did it."

Hyper-care

- In life it looks like this: a child tries to do everything in his own way, but receives so many remarks and lectures that he loses his heart. This is the case when love becomes absurd and so stuffy that the mother tries to control every step of the baby. Such children very often do not know how to do what their peers do, because their parents do everything for them. Remember how Margarita Pavlovna took care of Hobotov's ex-husband in the film "Pokrovskie Vorota"? This is exactly what happens often in life, but not with husbands, but with children. To avoid this mistake, it is imperative to leave room for the child's personal space and give him more independence, reckon with his opinion. For example, when buying a toy from a store, ask what your baby likes. Let him choose an unprepossessing and completely non-functional machine in the opinion of the dad, but this is his choice and the right step towards an independent decision.

Double standards

- In this situation, the parents' opinion of what is or is not possible often depends on the mood. Here are the troubles at work with my mother, I had a fight with the boss, the mood is bad and "steam" descends on the child - you cannot watch TV, play a tablet or correspond in a group with friends - it is unhealthy to sit in gadgets! Then mom will come up, pat, hug and solve everything. It is not right. The parent must show that good deeds are pleasing and bad deeds are upsetting.In the child's mind, there is an unshakable life values. And when it is forbidden today, and tomorrow it is allowed, the child understands that his actions do not make a difference, and most importantly - what is the mood of the parent. Hence the double standards. It should be like this: if TV was banned for a week, then even in a complacent mood, the decision cannot be canceled. If, on a wave of positive, you promised to buy something for your son or daughter, you have to do it. Otherwise, the child will not take your prohibitions or promises seriously, and will ignore everything you say to him.

Heavy loads

- There are supermoms who raise a child from a circle to a circle. Remember: "Drama circle, a circle from a photo, and I also want to sing." It is now widely believed that the main thing is to give the child a comprehensive education. Moreover, the child does not want to go to music school or gymnastics, but for stubborn parents it does not matter, they justify themselves by the fact that time will pass and the beloved child will appreciate the parents' investment in the development of his personality. Unfortunately, children do not always appreciate such efforts. The brilliant future that parents envision in their imaginations is often their personal ambitions, but not the desires of the child. While the child is growing up, he can be led by the handle and seated at the piano. But with age, children begin to protest, and in the ways that are available to them. For example, they are fond of alternative music and are happy to change the piano for a guitar. On the part of the parents, misunderstanding and alienation arise. Therefore, before deciding something for the child, you need to understand what he likes, to which he is more disposed. This is one side of the problem. The other side is the congestion of childhood, when the child is literally not allowed to rest. There are, of course, advantages in this too: this is organization, there is no place for laziness, everything must be calculated up to a minute, the child's horizons expand, memory improves, it is easier to enter a university. Cons - lack of friends, there is nothing to talk about with classmates, because films and games pass by. Oddly enough, there is self-doubt and depression.

Once, psychologists in a kindergarten conducted such an experiment. One teacher decided to lay down with bones and how to prepare the graduating group for school. For this, all the time the children spent the whole year doing nothing but writing, counting and reading. At the end of the year, a psychological test for children's willingness to go to school revealed that only two of this group were willing to go to school. The rest preferred a carefree life with games, walks and simple children's fun. In other groups, where children fully walked through their preschool childhood without enormous efforts to prepare for school, they unanimously expressed a desire to step over to the next, more adult stage of life and gain knowledge.

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