When it comes to the right of a young man or girl to have his own view of the world and not hide it from his elders, this is value separation. I think there is no need to break off relations with parents to achieve it. Agree, it is difficult to imagine a ban on your own vision of the world. It still exists, even if someone disagrees with it. The look at the surrounding of the growing person will differ from the opinion of the elders, because the life experience of people is different.
There are situations when parents try to influence the opinion of their children. In many close-knit families, this happens when the child harms himself: makes a rash decision, is guided by dubious values, blindly follows the advice of friends. In this case, parents not only can, but should also try to reasonably convince their son or daughter of the fallacy and danger of such views. In order for children to listen to the words of their elders, again, it is not separation that is necessary, but mutual understanding, interest in each other, and an attentive attitude.
The so-called functional separation does not raise any special questions - a person's ability to take care of himself. It is clear that age presupposes a certain level of independence: for a three-year-old child, the achievement will be the ability to dress independently; for a boy of 12-14 years old - something to fix, nail, screw; for a young man of student age - earn money on his own, pay for his smartphone on time, do household chores without outside supervision, and so on.
Emotional and conflict separation raises the most questions. Is it exactly a sign of growing up that a person's ability to make choices without taking into account the opinions of family members? Can this be called an achievement to strive for? As experience shows, to declare "I will decide everything without you!" adolescents love more, but the position of a truly adult person is different. In life, very rarely there is a choice that concerns only the person making the decision. Much more often it affects other people: wife, husband, children, close relatives, friends, subordinates and others. It would be too selfish not to think about them, so the opinions of others must be taken into account.
In addition, why are people of the older generation, and even more so parents, respected for more than one millennium? This is a natural attitude towards people who have cared about a person for many years. They have rich life experience, deep knowledge, wisdom. Finally, these people want to find a response from the younger generation: to feel that they are interesting, loved, their opinion is appreciated by children or grandchildren. Young people may find some advice from representatives of the older generation irrelevant, but this is not a reason to reject their experience completely. Nobody expects a twenty-year-old girl to be as obedient to her parents as she would at four. However, why not consult with her family in difficult situations?
Is it not possible to attribute the ability to take into account the interests of parents to the merits of an adult? Can. Moreover, Scripture says that a person should respect father and mother. The Apostle Paul encourages children to be obedient to "parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord" (Colossians 3:20).
I remember an example from the life of St. Sergius of Radonezh. Bartholomew (that was the name of the saint before the tonsure) had wanted to become a monk for many years. He told his father and mother about this intention. As the life of the saint says, they asked to wait for their death: to take care of them, and only then to take monastic vows.Bartholomew was an adult, an independent person, however, despite striving for a monastic life, he listened to the words of his parents and humbly looked after them.
This passage from the life of the saint characterizes him as a wise, meek man, attentive to the people around him. Subsequently, as you know, this period of life helped Saint Sergius develop in himself the virtue of obedience.
As for the conflict separation - the ability not to torment oneself with a sense of guilt after a quarrel with relatives - according to my observations, modern people are more often inclined to unnecessarily justify themselves and blame others for what happened. In recent years, there has even been a fashionable tendency to blame one's own and other people's parents for all troubles and problems. The accusations are completely opposite: the parents didn't care enough - they cared too much; forced the child to think about adult problems - they fiddled like with a baby, did not let them express themselves.
Reproaches poison a person's life. Therefore, in my opinion, today it would even be useful to analyze your own mistakes: “What is my 'contribution' to the quarrel? What am I to blame? How can I improve? " Lent will begin soon. Now the preparatory weeks are coming, and during Great Lent we will ask God with the words of the prayer of the Monk Ephraim the Syrian to give us "behold my sins." As it is important for us now and always to see the truth in ourselves, then there will be less problems for ourselves.
It is important to understand why the act of loved ones touched us. It hurts to admit, but what if the words are true? After such reflections, it is easier to discuss controversial issues without unnecessary emotions, seek reconciliation, and avoid new conflicts. When it comes to separation in the family, it is worthwhile to approach this issue wisely: to separate the actions of a truly adult person and their appearance. In an effort to protect your independence, it is important not to cross the line of carelessness towards older people. Scripture calls on believers to honor their parents, this expresses the fear of God (Lev. 19: 2-3).