Elena Kondrashkina, child psychologist at the New Experience training center:
- What worries parents in the last four months, we know: lack of work, habitual earnings, constant finding of children at home, and so on. Children, on the other hand, are worried about their children's world, which, depending on age, is either communication, or play, or impressions. Communication with peers in recent months has become sharply less, but here online comes to the rescue. But how to organize impressions for children in self-isolation, within four walls, is a big question for all parents.
In March, my daughter asked me when the quarantine would end and it would be possible to return to friends at school. I told her that she should not be expected to return to class this year. At first, she took it lightly, decided it was a joke, but over time she realized that my forecast was close to reality.
I saw how difficult it was for her to restructure. She used to say: “I will not go to school,” but now she is looking forward to returning, because children miss communication with their peers.
A child of any age develops in the game, in the process of communication. Children of all ages, from the smallest to adolescents who are now at home, regularly ask their parents to allow them to meet with friends, not to be taken to the village for isolation, and so on. What can a parent do in this case? He can explain his position to the child, tell that there is such a situation in the world when the virus spreads easily, but there is still no medicine, and it is worth taking care of health.
Finding too many positives about what is happening now can be dangerous, so the fact that children are uncomfortable in the current environment is good. The more we grow into the current situation, the more anchor points we find, the more difficult it will be for us to return to normal life.
For four months, both parents and children got used to self-isolation a little, found a secondary benefit in what was happening. And soon there will be a period of readaptation (I hope), when it will be necessary to return to normal life. How would this happen?
It is important to continue to adhere to the regime for both adults and children. It is important to leave the habits from the life that was. Because if we change the scenery, but in life everything goes the same way as before the pandemic, then we feel a sense of security, because there are no global changes. Well, just think, instead of office walls - home, and instead of a desk - a dining table.
If something cannot be observed - visiting a section or a creative circle, then you should include sports or drawing at home in the schedule of the day, allocate special time for this on certain days and continue to follow the schedule.
Restrictive measures will end, but life will continue, so you need to be ready for this. It is not necessary to adapt to unusual and unnatural conditions 100%. The more reference points from the usual way of life there are, the faster the readaptation will take place. The more you are annoyed by the situation that has arisen, the sooner you will return to normal life, and the easier it will be for you in the future.
From the middle of August, it is already possible to slowly prepare the child for returning to school, because after three months of vacation from September 1, it is always difficult to quickly return to duty and get involved in work. In some schools, from September 2, they are already writing tests, this is wrong. Here parents should come to the rescue, who from mid-August will begin to introduce educational games in communication with children and so on.And, of course, you need to discuss with your child how your life will be arranged if suddenly the school year starts with distance learning.
As for the relationship between parents and children in quarantine, it must be said that the average temperature in the hospital is elevated. This also applies to marital relations and parent-child relations.
Any relationship in isolation from society is seriously tested. Where it is thin, there it is torn. If, for example, communication between parents and a child developed exclusively according to the formula good parents - a successful child, where there are sections, a school, tutors, etc., then during self-isolation this successful family found itself in a situation where it was necessary to talk with the child, play, and not only ask what his grades are and what success he has achieved.
Or is there a type of parents who do not allow the child to sit around, they constantly ask him: did he do his homework? Have you walked with the dog? Have you cleaned the room? That is, communication took place at an everyday level. It is also difficult for them in quarantine, because, again, you have to talk with the child about something, play with him.
Unfortunately, it is exactly the same between spouses. Either they talk about everyday life, or about children, but just about jazz, for example, they don't know how. And they do not know how, because in ordinary life we had such a pace that it was not necessary to talk much.
The tension between parents and children happened at the moment when the children were taken away to distance learning, and the entire burden fell on the shoulders of the parents, because the teachers were also not ready for what was happening.
Although studying online, many children turned out to be useful, because it is a new experience, responsibility and so on. I'm talking about children from 13 years old who, in principle, can organize their own time.
For example, my eldest son, who is 17 years old, has his own party, which I am very happy about. And thanks to self-isolation, it has grown and become intercontinental. That is, if earlier he talked with friends from Yekaterinburg, now they call up in Zuma with guys from other cities of Russia and the world. He even began to tighten his tongue himself, because there are English-speaking guys in their company. This is just an example of how, during self-isolation, growth occurs where some experience has already been accumulated.
Spending all the time with children during the period of self-isolation is impossible and categorically harmful. Parents should have time for themselves. Children are not the meaning of life.
When my daughter asks who I like to spend time with more - with her or with one of her two brothers, I tell her that I like spending time with my dad the most. She even gets a little upset. Yes, children are cool, but they grow up, and it is important that adults have a meaning in life and do not sacrifice themselves for the benefit of children.
The most important thing: you need to talk with your children, this is an important skill that will come in handy in life. It is worth teaching a child to hear his feelings and be able to present them to the world, to teach him to live without an adult.
In fact, there is nothing difficult in upbringing. As Janusz Korczak said, adults believe that the purpose of upbringing is to make children comfortable. And then he continued: "It's a pity, the requirements for children after 18 are changing dramatically." It seems to us that up to 18 years of age a child should be comfortable and obedient, and after 18, he should suddenly become independent. Of course, the child should not be comfortable and obedient, but independent.
In general, we bring up our children in the image and likeness of how we were brought up. The only difference is that we have access to a large amount of information: books, psychologists, video lectures, and so on. You can look at all this and make work on the errors.
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