You, of course, know the adage that all the problems are from childhood. Can't lose weight, find a job, meet a man, find yourself? Most likely, mom is to blame: she did not love you to the full extent that you imagined. And if you assume that you are overlooking, do you think in this case there are fewer problems? Not at all.
There is an opinion that maternal love is the most cunning of the whole spectrum of love. And all because it carries a lot of impurities and varieties. Some have this feeling of ownership, others have a desire to assert themselves through a child, and some have banal selfishness. In general, the selfish relationship between a child and a mother is probably the most common phenomenon. The mother sees in her child a continuation of herself and her unsolved life tasks, unconsciously shifting her own problems, complexes and troubles onto him.
And what about the sense of ownership and all the subsequent “my child”, “my blood”? The substance of pure water. He's not yours. He, as the cat Matroskin said in "Prostokvashino", "is a boy in himself, his own."
And in general, how often do you meet women-mothers among your acquaintances, whose life is in full swing, who have a lot of their own worries, interests and hobbies? Infrequently. Usually we have performances of whining mothers - they always need help; or mothers of omniscient and powerful - there is usually a dictatorship and a strict regime. And it's not about the relationship "mother and child-schoolboy." These "schoolchildren" may be thirty or forty years old. Easy! It also happens that maternal unbridled love arises against the background of unexpressed love for a man. The most striking example is a woman without a man. Take a closer look: as a rule, the sons of these ladies start their own family very late and often cannot keep it. The mother, who was never able to let the child out from under her wing, unconsciously blocks the child's path to happiness, because at least someone has to stay near her. Unspent female energy is also manifested in relation to daughters - through jealousy. No one will notice how deftly and subtly loving mother prevents her daughter from building her own nest. What for? It's so cozy and warm around mom! What if on the other side she will feel really good? Who then will have to drip on the brains?
You ask, how should you love? There is no true answer to this question. But only one option is spinning in my head - that love for a child means the result of love between a woman and a man. And there can be no other components in this feeling. This is how nature works: we are drawn to the opposite sex, drawn to love and be loved. And whether children will happen next is completely irrelevant. Happened - great. Be proud, love and grow this result of yours. That's it, the mission is over. Further - we live together, cherish and cherish each other, but we do not cease to be ourselves. A woman. We take care of ourselves, about the child and take care of the relationship with the man as the basis of the foundations of your family. Without her, there would be nothing at all.
Where, then, does the distortion of values come from? Why does a mother-woman always actively sneak into the front rows, carrying her proud status like a cross? It even occurs to some that motherhood is a vocation. In this case, you can talk about the vocation to be a daughter or a son, a wife or a husband.
The state and society at one time did everything to create a bright and clean image of a mother who finds happiness in children. A woman believes in this image, and also believes that, having become a mother, she will know something perfect and magical. And he will leave thoughts of being a person - smart, whole and striving for other types of happiness, for example, the happiness of personal growth. And now, having finally fulfilled her duty, the woman plunges into a new state, forgetting about the man. Her whole being puts the child at the center of the universe. But once upon a time, a husband flourished on this pedestal. And what happens: instead of maintaining a healthy relationship between spouses in the name of themselves and the child (his happy life largely depends on this), mothers rush in all other directions. Especially in those where the husband is not. In children's worries, communication in mothers' chats, transformation from a woman into a hen. Sometimes success in the kitchen starts to spin your head, and a harmless young mother turns into the dominant and most important woman in this world with a baby in her arms.
Do not go further to the fortune-teller: the relationship between the couple comes to naught. They are simply not needed. The world revolves around a new person, and everyone else, please, have fun as you want. The desire of a woman to be an ideal mother adds fuel to the fire. But, without becoming a standard, especially believers in motherhood can fly off the rails and bring themselves to depression.
And who just said that motherhood is the main task of a woman? Of course, it is not so easy to bear and give birth to a child in our nervous and anxious world, but life goes on further, and the tasks may be much more difficult for us. Recognize your essence, reveal your femininity, create an adequate space for love in your family.
Evolution is not about giving birth to one, second, third. And in the fact that with them all to remain yourself and love children not to the detriment of either yourself or your husband
The disastrous phrase "I gave everything to the children" is not to be desired on the enemy. This is what an unhappy person who has misplaced priorities might say. It is powerful to “love” that a person no longer has enough air and room for maneuver - was it worth giving everything for this? It’s like help that wasn’t asked for. Makes you feel guilty and humiliating. To “love” so much that you can manipulate later?
With age, maternal feelings progress, and the sense of ownership grows at an incredible rate. That is why we often feel some kind of aggression in the "love" of our adult mothers and shun them, at war with feelings of conscience and guilt. Do you want your child to sincerely strive for you throughout their life? Focus on your development, and then you will be interesting to children. That's all.
The main problem is that no one realizes the harmfulness of love for a child, which is stronger than love for a man. Infantilism is not transmitted genetically, it is born in their sons by the mothers themselves, making decisions for them, saying “we” without stopping, when the child is no longer a baby, but a man. What do we end up with? A dependent boy with vivid feminine manifestations that can be passed off as kindness and tenderness. In the distant future, he will be unable to truly fall in love with a woman (there is also a mother) and create a number of problems for his children. For example, to put them on a pedestal and lose their relationship with his wife.
This sad reasoning is not here to offend or criticize anyone. This is just a small appeal to take the chance and try to help yourself. To become happier, freer, more confident - not at the expense of the child, but at the expense of oneself. “Love your neighbor as yourself” - so let's start with ourselves?