While the church, doctors and deputy Milonov are fighting against abortion in word and deed, the number of "childfree" is steadily growing in Russia. These are people who deliberately refuse to have children. According to the latest data from VTsIOM, over ten years the share of such people has grown from almost zero to 6%. Why do modern people choose life without children, why did great teachers abandon their offspring, what to answer, "if the clock is ticking," and what psychologists, priests, gynecologists and older people with and without children think about all this - in the material of Yulia Ostrovskaya … The author of the pictures is Vladimir Orekhov. Where did "childfree" come from? The opportunity to consciously choose childlessness appeared, in fact, not so long ago and largely due to the sexual revolution, coupled with quality contraception. Motherhood and fatherhood at the end of the 20th century became a right, not a duty. Then some women and men began to choose a life free from children (literally "child-free"). Even at the beginning of the last century, it was not at all like that. In pre-revolutionary Russia, the childfree problem was practically absent, says Irina Morozova, a practicing psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, and associate professor. The inability to give birth was a tragedy for a woman. And with the propaganda of demography, religion did an excellent job, which saw the goal of all sexual relations exclusively with the birth of children. You need to understand that until the 30s of the XX century, the attitude towards children was radically different from the modern one. Medicine was so imperfect and infant mortality so commonplace that, for example, babies who died before the age of three were not grieved as inconsolably as they are today. Few perceived the newborn as a full-fledged person, and no one particularly condemned the people who sent their children to orphanages. Undoubtedly, at all times there have been people who refuse even from their already born offspring. For example, the great thinker and teacher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who created the famous treatise on the upbringing of children, assigned each of his five children immediately after birth to an orphanage, not at all caring about their fate. Rousseau completely abandoned his own children and justified his actions by the fact that he considered upbringing to be too responsible a matter, that he himself, in his opinion, was not able to raise decent people out of them; that he would prefer to see them as workers or peasants, and not as adventurers, like their father. "Lonely, sick and left in my bed by everyone, I can die in it from poverty, cold and hunger, and no one will worry about it," Rousseau wrote at the end of his life. The phenomenon of the mass character of "childfree" came to Russia later than Europe, where they started talking about freedom from children back in the 70s. In our country in 2005, according to VTsIOM, there was practically no childfree, but in 2018 their share was already 6%. Who is more among them - organized or spontaneous - sociologists have yet to find out. Childfree Co-Societies Childfree supporters create their own "tube" communities, where they meet, share their impressions of life and discuss topics that often concern the popular "fuck", well, just post cats and memes. "Ovulyakham" - as the women who are obsessed with having children are called - there is a warning: the entrance to the "Childfree" community is prohibited. Community members support adequate liberal feminism and gender equality. But sharply against radical feminism and sexism. In addition, Childfree stands for freedom of reproductive rights (including abortion), against forced conscription and other gender discrimination, regardless of gender. The group includes several dozen users from Tver. We asked residents and women of the Tver region, including members of similar communities, why they deliberately abandon children. The names and ages are not fictional and, perhaps, in these stories you will even recognize your acquaintances: Maria, 28 years old, Tver region: - In general, then I just do not want to waste my precious life. I do not see the meaning of my life in a child and I live for myself. My closest friends do not have children either, and they are especially not eager to have them. Maybe it also affects my childfree position, I don't know. On the other hand, I have mummies. Here from them I constantly hear something like "well, when is married already? Masha, you have to give birth to children, and you are wasting your time in vain." Sometimes it pisses me off. In general, I never dreamed of children there, of a quiet family life. They say that we program ourselves. So I have never programmed myself for my husband and children. It is rather the opposite of an ideal future for me. At the same time, I cannot classify myself as a child hater. I have a dear niece, I'm just crazy about her. We spend a lot of time every day together. I play with her, pamper, give gifts. But this is a convenient mode for me: "I wanted to play - I played and gave it to my mother." When she cries for a long time, I get angry. Perhaps I am simply afraid of this responsibility - when you cannot take and give a child to anyone, if he is capricious or sick for a long time, for example. And yes - I admit the thought that someday I may have children. Life is an unpredictable thing. But now I am 28 years old. I have an interesting job, I love traveling and sooo love to sleep. And all this suits me very much. While. As for the notorious glass of water in old age, by virtue of my work, I very often see how my children are not just giving this glass of water to the elderly, but they are waiting, they will not wait for them to quickly leave for another world. Alexander, 35 years old, Tver: - There are people who do not like semolina. That’s all I don’t like. So it is with me. I do not like children, and I do not feel the need for them. I also value peace and quiet. Children do not fit in with this in any way. And children's cries for me are pain and suffering. Friends are calm about my position. For some reason unknown to me, my mother still thinks I will marry and rivet children. Dad is calm about my choice. Sister also. I have no pair. It is extremely difficult to find a childfree girl in Tver. There are childfree friends and almost all of them are from other cities. More precisely, only one friend of the chief from Tver. Maria, 25 years old, Tver region: - At the age of 20 I dreamed of children. Then I had a long-term relationship with a young man and the conviction that the happiness of any woman is a husband and a child. Together we planned an ideal future with children and love to the grave. Then the relationship exhausted itself, love passed, and with it the dreams of this ideal future. At 25, my ideal world turned upside down, and now I clearly understand that my husband and children are not enough for my happiness. The world is much wider, there are more reasons for happiness in it too. I found an interesting job, started to lead a healthy lifestyle, fell in love with sports and lost 15 kilograms. And now I really want to live for myself - to see the world (although I'm terribly afraid of planes), to move to another city, My friends, who already have children, literally rape me with their advice: "Masha, you fool, you have to give birth! This is the destiny of a woman! How will the child interfere with you? " "If you give birth late, you will be an old mother!" etc. The position of my mother - you have to give birth for yourself. But I don't agree with her. Although quite a bit, I am afraid of myself at the age of 60 alone, childless and regretting it. I love animals very much and spend a lot of time with them, if possible I help the Tver zoo defenders. I read somewhere the opinion of a psychologist that love for animals is a sublimation of the maternal instinct. But this does not seem to me to be true. As far back as I can remember, I've been dragging homeless kittens and puppies home. It is unlikely that my maternal instinct woke up at the age of five. So far, my life suits me. And the more I live, the less I want children. Timofey, 28 years old. Tver: - I clearly understand that I do not want to have children. Firstly, I just do not imagine myself as a parent morally. It is a huge responsibility to educate a person. Not just changing diapers, feeding, putting to bed, driving to kindergarten and school, but educating a personality in it. Secondly, it will severely limit my life. I have a serious job with an irregular schedule - I often stay overnight in the office, my interests that physically require a lot of time and time to be alone - I really need to be alone for some time. Of course, I won't be able to do this with my family. By the way, I have colleagues with families who live the same life as me. And they say that they like it and, in principle, everything is fine. Children, I think, should be an absolutely conscious choice. And parents should understand their responsibility for raising not just a two-legged creature, but a highly moral personality capable of creativity. Children, on the other hand, take the examples of their parents: if you don't want your child to smoke, don't smoke, if you want to read books, read it yourself. This is a huge responsibility. And I am a hyper-responsible person. I even moved to live outside the city for the sake of the dog, to create normal conditions for it. As for the parents, at first my mother had a bad attitude to these thoughts, but then she seemed to resign herself. But dad does not understand in any way that children are not mine. Why it became popular Psychologist Irina Morozova explains the emergence of "childfree" by the fact that the hierarchy of life values has changed in a developed consumer society. In the modern world, in her opinion, women have a huge number of alternative opportunities for investing their own energy and time, alternative to the efforts and time spent on the birth, upbringing and socialization of children born. As a result, the meaningful vectors of women's lives have shifted: - Career, money, fitness, self-development, travel - have become the main content of the life of our contemporaries. Along with this, the birth of children has moved to the back positions in the ranking of life values. And for young, ambitious women, the decision to invest their energy and time "in themselves" seems to be very profitable, "modern" and reasonable. And children … At least, you can wait with children, and it is better not to waste time and energy on them at all … But only women, passionate about their careers and the pleasures of life that modern society offers in abundance, unfortunately, cannot predict and understand the distant the fatal consequences of your decision not to give birth. The institution of the family arose at the dawn of mankind precisely as a condition for the survival of the biological species "man". The children, replenishing the family, helped to hunt, take care of the household, and at the end of their parents' lives, they provided care and support for their feeble ancestors. Modern man, as a rule, no longer associates the solution of such problems with childbirth. In developed countries, there is a whole system of social security for the elderly. But the essence of the matter is that each person lives in his own age stratum, that is, with those people who were born approximately at the same time with him. These are our friends, relatives, neighbors, employees … We are all not eternal, therefore, sooner or later, our peers and friends - people of about our age, our generation - leave. People with a good gene pool and health live to a respectable age, and sometimes become long-livers. And, if such lucky ones do not have children and grandchildren, then they remain alone in their age stratum, lose their social roots and contacts. In this regard, children are a kind of connecting link between an elderly person and this rapidly changing world. With children, parents have a common history, events, emotions. Of course, children are a rather expensive enterprise in terms of the effort, money and time invested in it. But when your social activity is zero, and you are not so in demand in society, children and grandchildren will become your emotional niche and "float" in life. As the French say, "if youth knew, if old age could …". For childfree, this will become clear when all the possibilities of having children are far behind in time … Archpriest Sergiy Dmitriev, rector of the Intercession Church, head of the diocesan department for Church relations with society and the media, who served as a priest in Italy for several years, says that increased attention to "childfree" in Russia, probably, gave rise to a fashion in orientation to the West: - However, for some reason young people are oriented towards the negative, not the positive. Yes, indeed, some European women first want to strengthen themselves, to make a career. But after all this comes the age at which it is sometimes difficult to give birth. And some are not going to have children. But in fact, now in Europe there are numerous social movements that are fighting for the preservation of the family, for family values. In Italy, there are many thousands of demonstrations for a healthy family. There is a struggle for these values. In the media, public organizations and rallies do not report about this struggle. And our youth, having information with a "minus" sign and perceiving the West as a "forbidden fruit", is guided exactly by what journalists give about life in the West. As a result, we get what we get. I think that it is necessary to show and write on this topic about positive reasons. And, by the way, it is not abortion that needs to be fought. Abortion is the result. The result of the fact that the man turned out to be not a reliable shoulder and support, the result of the fact that the girl could not maintain her innocence, the result of a difficult financial situation and other things. Therefore, we need to fight not “against,” but “for,” for a strong family, for raising children, for a socio-economic basis for young families. And to show examples of such families, both here and abroad. By the way, here you also need to understand that the national composition of Europe is gradually being reformatted. Refugees and migrants tend to have strong and large families with several children. Therefore, thinking Europeans look at this and draw conclusions for themselves. And the deliberate refusal to have children is not at all a trend in Europe. The country is made up of strong families. From there, talents, heroes and the best people of the country grow up. Therefore, there will be no normal state without strong families. And the Church speaks about it. In my life I have never met people who deliberately refuse to have children. Except for those who chose the path of monasticism. But such people dedicated their lives to God - this is quite another thing. At the same time, we know that educational centers for children and orphanages are being opened at monasteries, where children are brought up without parents. In Europe, by the way, unlike our country, there are many schools that exist at monasteries or actively attract church people to teach. Tatyana Kazaishvili, obstetrician-gynecologist of the highest qualification category and head of the department of the Women's Health Clinic of the Avayev Center, said that refusing to have children can lead to health problems: nulliparous women are at risk of developing cancer: - First of all, we are talking about about breast cancer, which used to be conventionally called "nuns' disease". This is due to the fact that a woman's mammary gland is finally formed after lactation. In addition, nulliparous women are more likely to develop uterine fibroids. Evolution created a woman for the birth of children and there is nothing you can do about it. In my practice, I have met a few women who refuse motherhood. But there were always some objective reasons for this - sick parents, difficult life circumstances. Not just "I don't want to". As for the postponement of pregnancy in Europe, now there is widespread "delayed motherhood", when young women freeze their eggs until "better times" (because after 35 years, the quality and quantity of eggs is greatly reduced). Women have time to both make a career and give birth. This method is also available in Tver. But now, it seems to me, on the contrary, it is fashionable and prestigious for our youth to have children. *** Nevertheless, the psychologist is sure that today the "childfree" phenomenon will not be able to grow into a major social and demographic problem. And, it is likely that young people who are now abandoning children will still have offspring later. What older people think of childfree, I asked two women who live alone in almost deserted villages. 72-year-old Galina Efremovna Vasilyeva believes that children should be given birth to everyone, except for people who use drugs, alcohol and are unable to raise. And her 80-year-old girlfriend, who has no children, says that she does not regret it: - Children need to give birth. But giving birth is not enough - you need to love, protect, educate, heal. I’m watching TV and getting angry - I left it there, gave birth to five and handed it over to an orphanage, where I starved to death. How is it? So I would just tore such people apart, kill them and not regret them. They want to have sex like that - let them protect themselves! It is necessary that young people come to their senses, know how to love, educate, regret. Galina Efremovna has a 52-year-old son, grandchildren and great-grandchildren who live far away. She lives alone, volunteers help with firewood and water, for which she does not get tired of thanking them. - I understand that modern life is different from the one we lived. If you don't work until nightfall, you won't be able to support your family. And to give children the Internet instead of parental love - nothing good will come of it. Then children grow up who leave their parents in boarding schools. I have an 80-year-old girlfriend Valentina - she has no children, it didn't work out. She says that she would not and would not give birth now: they say, the time is terrible, children cannot be raised on their feet, nor good toys can be bought. 93-year-old Klavdia Vasilievna Gorshkova has no children. She went through the war, lost her husband and her only child at the age of one. And now she lives alone in a village near Torzhok. Klavdia Vasilievna says that she is the happiest person, but one in the village is very bored: - I know a lot of songs - I sing, I have dogs, chickens and four cats. All the girlfriends died. My heart is out of place. When a nephew arrives, it immediately gets better. As for the modern tendency to deliberately abandon children, Klavdia Gorshkova says: - To give birth is not bad. Only the Lord would give birth and raise. And give birth. In old age it will not be boring, the heart will be in place. However, to give birth or not to give birth is always a personal choice of each of us.
