Natalya Makarenko, creative editor of Detstrana, talks about what you shouldn't expect from a mom with a career.
I went to work when my daughter was 4 months old. Was this solution easy for me? Of course not, but I had no choice either. It so happened that I gave birth to a daughter alone, my mother agreed to help, and my task was to feed our family. 12 years have passed since then, I have successfully made a career, found the man of my dreams, and my girl has grown safely to adolescence.
For 12 years, I, like many other working mothers, have heard many reproaches. And I’ll tell you this: the confrontation between housewives and working mothers is as old as parenting.
Farming certainly has its advantages. But if mom voluntarily or involuntarily made her choice in favor of work, she should not apologize. At least for these seven things:
1. For imperfect order at home
Let's start with the most obvious. A working mom can only have perfect order at home if she has a cleaning lady. In all other cases, she will definitely have a mess somewhere.
So when you work full week, cleaning becomes not a duty, but a privilege of the day off. Do I like it when the house is clean? Of course I do, but I also love to sleep, so during the working week, between cleaning and sleeping, I will unconditionally choose the latter. And cleaning will wait until Saturday.
2. For the lack of borscht in the refrigerator
Perhaps, in times of total scarcity, women had to thoughtfully compose menus, referring to what can be found on store shelves. Therefore, our mothers diligently cooked borscht and fried cutlets for three days in advance. But with the modern technical equipment of the kitchen and the assortment in stores, there is no need to spend years of life at the stove.
Throw a piece of fish into a double boiler and boil a couple of bags of rice, buy vegetables and fruits, and now the family is completely provided with food. Don't have time for that? You can always buy - oh horror - handmade dumplings. Or order food delivered to your home. Yes, it is not as budgetary as borsch and homemade cutlets, but it saves a lot of time. Whoever disagrees is sitting hungry.
3. For an unsanctioned craft for kindergarten or school
a child's physical development is wonderful. But more often you and I know that the tasks that are given to children can only be completed by parents. Because no child can independently make a scale model of an ancient Russian city, create a Power Point presentation or make a portfolio. Dear educators and teachers, I am already quite developed, and I am also creative, thank you for your concern!
4. For expensive gifts for the child
4. For expensive gifts for the child
How many times have I heard that parents pay off a child with gifts, that a child needs to be educated spiritually, that this is not pedagogical. No, I do not think that expensive gifts can compensate the child for the absence of a mother. And I am sure that spiritual closeness with a child is important both with and without gifts.
daughter, despite the difficulties of her transitional age, has always been and remains my closest friend and most beloved child in the world. But I also have the opportunity to give her an iPhone, because it is convenient and useful. That's why I worked like a madman for 12 years - so that we both had the opportunity.
5. For unwillingness to take part in social life
In kindergarten and elementary school, my daughters did not like me. I was a thorn in the butt of both teachers and non-working moms. I didn't want to dance for the teacher's birthday, I suggested hiring a cleaner instead of scrubbing the class myself (200 rubles per person for six months and three hours of free time on my legal day off when it was my turn to clean).
Finally, I refused and refuse to donate money to the parent committee if I’m not sure what I donate it for.For a good excursion, educational materials, gifts for children for the holidays - yes, for dubious animators or a performance of regular guest performers - no. And I will not apologize for this, because I convert my time into money by my own labor, so I can appreciate both.
6. For the desire to sleep on the weekend
Because the more strength I have, the more I can give. And the child as well. And if someone thinks that mom is such a magic fairy who has to get up at 7 in the morning and manage to bake a cake with whipped cream by the time the child wakes up, this someone either does not work, or grandmother.
Of course, when your baby is less than three years old, you will get up, whether you like it or not, because your baby is helpless. But when he acquires a certain independence, he must learn to respect the rest of his mother, as well as his mother. If there is cottage cheese, sour cream, fruits, tea, cheese and bread in the house, the child will definitely not die of hunger. And we will bake pancakes together, when everyone is asleep and ready for action.
7. For the desire to be realized in life not only through the family
Work is not just about earning a livelihood (well, if you chose it for your liking, and not out of despair). This is a question of your realization, your fullness. Working mothers love their children, but they farsightedly remember that every step of the child is a step from the mother, not to her. And that one day, no matter how trite it may sound, the chick will still fly out of the nest.
Do not think that it is then that you will return to work - your qualifications will be lost, time will be lost. Work will not wait for you for a decade and a half, so if you want to work now, no need to apologize for it. Grown up children will only be proud of what a great specialist their mother is.